Thanks to Dr. Jan Bellows for all his support with this website.
As living beings, all pets will one day reach the end of their lives. It is not always predictable as to how and when and the details, but that there will be an end is a sure thing. No one is ever fully prepared for the death of a loved one, even if a pet has been sick or incapacitated for some time.
Another part that complicates the human-animal relationship is that people have the option to prematurely end a pet’s life via euthanasia. Often there is a sense of regret and guilt associated with this decision, but only a pet owner can make this decision. If you find yourself placed in the decision making process, know that your veterinarian will guide you medically, but the decision is solely up to you, and you need to be comfortable with it.
No matter how your pet passes away, it is an individual process akin to losing a person, and there are a series of feelings one will have. The range of emotions directly relate to the relationship shared between the pet and owner or family. While some people may say that losing a pet is ‘no big deal,’ always be honest and true with your feelings. It’s okay to be angry, sad, or distraught when a pet dies, especially when it is unanticipated. Honor your feelings by allowing yourself to feel them.
There are a number of things that can help you along the process towards the end of a pet’s life or shortly after it.
• Create a keepsake. Take a lock of hair from your pet or create a footprint in plaster of paris or a similar material. It’s nice to have a memento.
• Take a family photo. If your pet is still well enough for photos, this can be a way to take last photos with the family and to treasure those once he is gone.
• Spend some time with your pet. After a pet has passed away, take as much time as you would like with them. A veterinarian will understand your need and allow you the time and space.
• Include everyone. Don’t keep the truth of a passing of a pet from other family members. Allow everyone to know in age-appropriate ways what is happening to the pet so that they are given the opportunity to personally say goodbye, if possible.
• Decide what to do with your pet. This is often a very emotional decision, but there are several options. A veterinarian will take care of your pet’s body for you if desired, but you also have the option of taking your pet’s body home for a burial at home, a burial in a pet cemetery, or your veterinarian can also arrange cremation. Cremation can be done either individually (so it is just your pet) or as a group (your pet with several others). Ashes will be returned to you to do as you wish: either place in a box or special urn or spread them in a special location like a favorite resting spot or garden.
• Memorialize your pet. You needn’t have a formal funeral, but giving all family members an opportunity to talk about fond memories of the pet is very helpful in the healing process. Children, especially, need some type of outlet to offer their thoughts and feelings about the lost pet, and a kind of service gives them a chance to vent these feelings.
• Don’t rush out and get a new pet. Many people lose one pet and rush out the following week to replace the pet. Give yourself the opportunity to grieve. A new pet is not going to be the same as an old one, even if it’s the same breed. Often you will find yourself still grieving and disappointed because you are comparing the new pet with the deceased one.
• Respect your other pets. Understand that they will empathize with you, but they will also feel their own sense of loss. If two dogs or cats have been together for years, it will be traumatic to lose that other partner. They may temporarily appear less happy, more tired, or uninterested in dinner. Make sure to carve out special time for your remaining pets to guide them through.
While losing a valued pet and family member is never easy, knowing that the opportunity to have spent time with them is usually worth the momentary pain. All grief passes, and life moves on. When you and all your family members are ready, you can embark on the process all over with a new pet.